Over the years my friends have found different ways in pointing out how heartless they think I am. One of them would say that the first time she saw me crying, and perhaps the only time, was just two years ago when my grandfather died, although I could swear she saw me crying years before that. Others would be more explicit, like what my friend told me bluntly today as she said: “I can never imagine you being in love with someone”. Usually I wouldn’t respond to that, but for what it’s worth, I found myself telling her that, well, at this point in my life I happily have no crushes, but that doesn’t mean that I have never or will never have feelings for anyone.
I don’t remember being annoyed by that until recently, when I realized that it’s becoming hard for some people to believe that I’m capable of that very basic and intuitive human feeling. Doesn’t just kill you to be underestimated?
Perhaps the time I was bugged the most was when my 17 year-old cousin casually made a very daring assumption. We were talking about different things and we happened to mention something about relations, and I think I said something about how life doesn’t stop because of one person and how you should not let a guy be the center of your universe. So, all of a sudden, she confidently says to me: Oh, that’s because you don’t know what it feels like to be in love…
At that moment I felt like my brain was going to explode. I mean seriously, my teenage cousin assumes she knows better than me what it feels to be in love. I don’t know what would you say about that, but I felt deeply insulted. Not that I don’t believe you can always learn from the youngster, but when it comes to this specific issue, I so don’t trust teenagers, not with all the pubescent hormones rushing through.
Ever since those words came out of her, I’ve been rambling in my thoughts, trying to jump on any opportunity to tell her that, in my humble personal cold stiff-neck adult opinion, I think that she only thinks she knows what love is like, and that those experiences she calls “love” are probably nothing but teenage crushes, a mixture of curiosity, excitement, attraction and again, hormone rush. I’m dying to tell her that this which she calls love lacks the most important element of love, the one thing that makes it real, that makes it endure, which is maturity. It’s like the glue that sticks the pieces together. I’m dying to tell her that if she really knew what love is, she should know that it could be very dangerous, and since sometimes the best thing is to run away, you better use your mind before the feelings kick in, because if they did, you might be getting yourself into a life-size trouble.
I don’t think it’s anybody’s business if I will or will never love anyone, and I don’t really care if I am someone who easily falls in love or can hardly do so, since each of thise sides has its advantages if you know what I mean. I just hate to be treated as a cold, heartless and insensitive person. Even if I was so, you don’t need to remind me of it.
P.S: This post doesn’t mean in any way that December has made me go soft. I haven’t gone soft, I’m still tough as a rock, just a little bit… whatever!
Originally Posted on Sunday, December 30, 2007 on http://oeliwat.jeeran.com/archive/2007/12/425916.html