Scam Mail Dissected

I really don’t know how many of those I’ve received so far. It’s almost impossible to keep count…

FROM THE DESK OF
DR JOHN NICOL
REGIONAL MANAGER
INTERNATIONAL COMMERCIAL BANK
KUMASI BRANCH GHANA.
HELLO DEAR,

Hello, precious!
My name is John Nicol, I am the regional manager of the International
Commercial Bank kumasi branch Ghana.

(of course you are!) I got your information during my
search through the Internet. (I get that all the time! If I didn’t know any better I could’ve been running out to get a lottery ticket right now) I am 48years of age and married with 3
lovely kids. (Which rules out the secret admirer theory but at the same time makes me trusts you blindly Mr. Family man) It may interest you to hear that I am a man of PEACE (Yes, it may. Strangely enough, it doesn’t!) and don’t want problem. But i don’t know how you will feel about this, because you might feel that its scam (No! Why would anyone think such that?) yes there are many scammers. (Bummer!) but am telling you that this is real (It must be, if you say so) and you are not going to regret after doing this transaction with me. (Without a blink!) I only hope we can assist each other. (A man can dream)
But If you don’t want this business offer kindly forget it as I will
not contact you again.

(Maybe your alter egos will do that for you)

I have packaged a financial transaction that will benefit both of us (Get out! How would it benefit YOU?) as the regional manager of the International Commercial Bank; (Which is absolutely true because professional bankers tend to list the help of random people from the internet, who for all they know could be psychopathic hackers or  homicidal maniacs on the run) it is my duty to send in a financial report to my head office in the capital city Accra-Ghana at the end of each year. (And I translate white trash shows about some brats looking for the girlfriends of their dreams, but I don’t go around sending emails to perfect strangers telling them that) On the course of the last year 2007 end of year report, I discovered that my branch in which Iam the manager (As you mentioned a million times so far)  made Three million seven hundred and fifty thousand dollar [$3, 750.000.00] (too much information) which my head office are not aware of and will never be aware of. (Way too much information) I have since place this fund on what we call SUSPENSE ACCOUNT without any beneficiary. (Weasel!)

As an officer of the bank I cannot be directly connected to this
money, (Because you might be hauled into jail where you belong) so this informed my contacting you for us to work so that you can assist receive this money into your bank account for us to SHARE. (Which I will ABSOLUTELY do if I was the dimwit you’re taking me for) While you will have 40% of the total fund . (Of course I will!)

Note there are practically no risk involved, (Obviously) it will be bank to bank
transfer, all I need from you is to stand claim as the original depositor of this fund who made the deposit with our branch so that myHead office can order the transfer to your designated bank account. (Piece o’cake!) If you accept this offer to work with me, (Which is a no-brainer) I will appreciate it very much. (Oh, how sweet! You know that’s all I need, APPROVAL. now I can sleep at night)

As soon as I receive your response (Don’t hold your breath) I will details you on how we can achieve it successfully. (I’m not holding my breath either) I will want you to reply me through my private email address (Which you might as well shove down your throat)

Best Regards
Dr John Nicol

Even better regards

Queen Elizabeth

Originally Posted on Monday, November 10, 2008 on http://oeliwat.jeeran.com/archive/2008/11/722651.html

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