What a Girl Wants

Yet another epiphany…

About an hour ago, drifted as usual in my own thoughts, I came to one sweet realization, something I knew subconsciously but now came face to face with it. A thought led to a thought, and that led to another, and eventually I found myself saying: I have everything I want at this point in my life.

Well, I’m not going to count my possessions, name all the people I’m thankful to have in my life or make a list of the things I do to keep me busy and entertained. But I assure you, I’m thankful for every one of those things and more than happy to have them. Yet, this wasn’t the only thing that occurred to me in that mental inventory; for I came to another realization.

The thing is, I’ve been living with the attitude of: “I can’t do this until I’m done with that”. I mean, there’s always something on hold, something I want to do but feel like I need to clarify my mind first by finishing up with other things. Yet, each time I do finish that thing I want to finish, the same feeling persists, and I start, even if unconsciously, to look for the things I want to finish. But, in fact, there’s nothing that needs to be finished first, and there’s never been.

What I realized is that, the more materialistic things you have, the more materialistic things you achieve, the more you realize, or feel, that life is not about that. Now I know these are important things that make life easier and better on some level, but then, why don’t we ever feel we have enough? Why do we always want to meet new people or go to new places? Why do we keep complaining of being bored, tired and in need for change? I think all of this can be summed up in one question: “What’s next?” and when you fail to find much to expect further, that’s when you start to look for what you really, really want.

I haven’t posted anything about Ramadan this year. Yet, this Ramadan has been a great eye-opening experience for me. Many things have been going in my life; many things happened this Ramadan, new things, new experiences, new people, closures, etc. The thing is, each of those things wasn’t something to dwell on, but rather a new way to see things and to aspire for other things.

Thankfully, having all these things happening particularly in Ramdan, it opened my eyes to what really counts; because, at the end of each day and despite being exceptionally happy about this or that, I didn’t feel whole until I did the prayers and read from the Quran as I planned to do during the month of Ramdan. Without that, everything else seemed blank and had no purpose. You know when life gets too busy that you get consumed by work and social life, and you think that you have no time to spend alone and have some peace of mind, think again. It’s like eating carbs and greasy food for two days, then having a healthy meal with different kinds of vegetables. You feel like your body is being cleaned from the inside. That’s exactly how your soul needs to be cleansed. We might have different ways of doing it, be that writing, reading, composing poems, volunteering for different causes, etc. But at the end, we all need the same thing…

So, what about you, how do you clear your mind and cleanse your soul?

Originally Posted on Tuesday, September 23, 2008 on http://oeliwat.jeeran.com/archive/2008/9/683195.html

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