The Love-o-Meter

The Love-o-Meter

Monday, January 04, 2010

I’m not a fan of pigeonholing, but the human race susceptibility to categorization is in fact irresistible.

I’ve been thinking of something I’ve been trying to think of, which is sadly inevitable, but the good news is that sometime you come up with something good out of it, and sometimes it really has nothing to do with the original subject. Well, as a matter of fact I’m not sure if what I came up with is of any use to any one at any time or place, but I’m hoping that it is.

As you already know, social relations are becoming increasingly complicated, it’s no longer like those old Egyptian movies where a guy sees a girl for the first time in his life and 5 minutes later he goes to his friends all with stars in his eyes saying that this is the first time in his life that he feels real love. Of course it becomes complicated later with his friends fall in love with that girl too, apparently the only living female creature on the planet. And you wonder why we’re messed up!

So, I looked around at the people in my life and other people’s life. Their relations with each another, who hates who and who loves who. And it really isn’t that simple. It’s really complicated, especially when it comes to man-women relationships. So I found myself categorizing the people in my life, particularly people from the other gender. Well, I can’t say I’m surprised with the result and I think many girls could relate to it. So, here’s the Love-o-meter from a girl’s point of view. Mind you, this only applies to males, how girls feel about each other is a whole different issue.

1- Guys you hate. Well, Hate is a big word. Personally, I think it’s very hard to use this word and really mean it. In fact I think the only people this should apply to are the ones who hurt you or hurt someone you care about and are still bent on doing so, no less than that.

2- Guys you really don’t like. You know how sometimes when you’re walking in one direction and you see someone walking towards you so you change your direction in a sudden totally obvious evasive move because you know this person knows you don’t like him anyway and you don’t care? Well, I think you get the picture. This could be someone you have a really bad history with or someone you are professionally involved with like a boss or the office snitch.

3- Guys you don’t like, but can tolerate: you talk to them, you deal with them, but there’s just something about them that makes you feel uncomfortable. You just try to be polite though because you know that they’re not bad after all, and you feel could come to like them one day.

4- The guy next door. Those are the guys you can’t say you like, but you respect them and can actually converse with them with little or no discomfort. This is by far the most neutral category because you’re usually indifferent to them. I mean, you feel relatively comfortable around them yet you don’t like them enough to worry about them or about developing any kind of feelings toward them. Of course, this is a very wide category that could also include people you highly respect, look up to and even like talking to, as well as people whose names you barely know. You know. It’s a love-o-meter after all so the criterion here is actual emotion.

5- Your brother from another mother. Well, he’s not really your brother but he’s the closest thing to a brother. This guy you really like a guy who you feel so comfortable around and you feel that you can rely on just like you rely on your actual brothers. He’s kind, honest, respectful and with no hidden agenda. When you see him you smile and you feel happy. He makes you laugh and no matter how much you argue with him you can’t even remotely dislike him. I had a friend in college who falls in this category, and I know it because when I saw him I felt the happiness of a mother seeing her child come home from school.

Of course, there are guys who try to play this role but they end up failing miserably because their ulterior motives can’t stay ulterior forever, which makes them failures either way.

6- The Guy you really, really like. I’m glad I don’t have anyone in this category because it’s the most confusing of all. You simply don’t know what to do about him. It’s not that you only look up to him and feel happy to see him, no; you get butterflies in your stomach! I really don’t have much to say about this because honestly, I don’t know what people do when they like someone that much. I mean, you like him, everything is okay, so? Surely someone can elaborate on this, not me though! I’ll probably just screw it up, intentionally or unintentionally.

7- The Guy you dangerously like. Okay, this is the most complicated of all. He’s that guy – usually one guy  (other than that go see a shrink)- that you really, really like. Totally. Way more than average and on a completely different level. BUT, you simply know you shouldn’t. Bummer! So, for any reason or number of reasons, you try to keep it cool because even though you want to keep a safe distance you still want that person to be a part of your life because he’s simply a gem! Eventually though he ends up in the category number 5.

8- The one and the only. Well, yes it is supposed to be one, because you know it is scientifically proven that the human heart isn’t the size of a football stadium. Sadly though, some girls seem to confuse their need to be loved with love itself, and someone ends up getting hurt. Like it or not girls, you’re not always the victim. That’s why if I ever have a son and a girl comes near him before he’s 25 I’m all but ready to suck her blood out. This is a very dangerous category for both sides, so don’t just go wearing your heart out on your sleeve, these things are hard to tuck back in!

Of course there are lots of scattered cases, like the guy who used to be in number 4 or 5 and ruined it by wanting to be in number 7, or the guy you just can’t take seriously that you can’t fit in any of those categories.

So, can you fit at least one person into each category?

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