Are we Shallow Creatures?

This subject has been on my mind for sometime now, actually it’s been bothering me so much that I almost fell in the trap of generalization, one of my biggest pet peeves, but I’m not going to lie, it did cross my mind and it was so tempting to go out there and declare to the world that, in my humble opinion, men are shallow, and therefore pathetic.

Now before anybody gets on the defensive or starts seeing red, I’m not saying that all men are shallow or all girls are deep. In fact, many girls seem to bask in the shallowness, so let’s say we’re talking here about a large part of the population. Large enough that is.

Well, we all judge by appearances, it’s just normal because it’s the first thing we see. Everyone does it, you’d see someone who looks nice and dresses nice and they instantly grab your attention. That’s not shallow, it’s basic instinct. This is not the problem, the problem is that when you discover through dealing with Mr./Ms. Charming that they have some deadly character flaws. Selfish, insanely self-centered, arrogant, hypocrite, double-faced, you name it. And yet, you still cling on to that person. This is being actively shallow, you can also be passively shallow by refusing to get the chance to know someone just because of the way they look. I’m not talking about lovey dovey relationships here, I’m talking in general, in the office, at school, everywhere.

And that’s exactly why shallow people are pathetic. They are blinded by beauty and therefore they can’t see anything past it, be it good or bad. I remember one friend complaining to me about her fiancé, she said he no longer admired her for her mind or her other personal traits, he only told her how beautiful she was and that got on her nerves. So as you can see, it’s unfair to everyone.

Again, I’m not saying all men are shallow, but let’s see what you think about this. This is a comment I read a long time ago, a very long time ago, but for some reason it stuck on my mind although I can’t remember who said it exactly, but it was a guy and he said (or wrote):

“Guys care about 3 things: Firstly, looks, secondly, looks and thirdly and most importantly looks, and any guys who says otherwise is chathaaaab (liar)”

Are you guilty as charged? Well, in all fairness one should add something for good measure. This is a part of a conversation I was having with a guy I know that, for his sake, should stay anonymous. Otherwise the girl mentioned in the conversation might be very angry. Here it goes:

– Me: So, this is serious, you’re not just fooling around?

– Him: Of course I’m not fooling around! [in a matter-of-fact tone of voice]

– Me: Good. I would’ve crushed you. Honestly though, is it because of the way she looks?

– Him: No it’s not. Actually, I didn’t like the way she looked when I first met her. But now, I think she’s very pretty! [With an expression of amazement on his face]

It couldn’t be more true, because you can’t love someone because they are beautiful, but they can certainly look beautiful because you love them. There’s a saying I really like, it says: Love is not blind, it sees more, and therefore it is willing to see less. The more you can see into someone’s soul the less the outer shell seems to matter, as well as the small and insignificant things. And this goes for all the relations we build with people.

One of the reasons I love the internet is because it lets you judge people’s personalities before judging them by their appearance. Many of the people I came to know through the net gained my respect and admiration before I knew how they look like or in some cases even learned their real names.

However, now with facebook going crazy with people’s pictures it’s a little bit harder. Just ask any girl how many friend requests she gets a day just because she has a nice profile picture of herself.

One last example before I conclude this: A guy was telling me about a certain girl and he said, “Her problem is that she’s shallow minded”. The same guy said about the same girl later, after seeing a new picture of her: “How lucky is the guy who’s going to marry her! She’s gorgeous”

I rest my case.


19 responses

  1. I think at the end of the day, the side effects of shallowness will affect the person himself, say someone is “lucky” enough to marry a gorgeous girl whose mind is completely shallow (like that guy said) at the end, that lucky guy is the one who will be stuck with someone with whom he can’t carry out a single conversation, and it’s his life that is going to become a complete misery (if he cares that is)

    but also, you missed out on girls’ part of shallowness, maybe it’s not when it comes to looks because girls wouldn’t mind being with someone who’s less attractive, instead, most of the girls care about the money and that is our way of being shallow (well not mine anyway :P)

    either way, shallow creatures are a majority these days
    wow that was long sorry

  2. A simple answer : Most of our society – unfortunately – Is Shallow
    But its not totally their fault,the huge amount of western propaganda we see on the TV each day is unbearable to many many people,and it finds its way pretty easily to their minds 🙂

  3. Rand: that’s a very important point! Men go for looks, girls for money (when they are being shallow) I guess it has to do with the primitive and basic instincts of the human being. He wants something nice to look at and she wants someone to provide for her. But girls also play another role in feeding the shallowness of men by obsessing over their looks. there’s a thin line between taking care of your appearance and being obsessed with it

    Sha3rawi: This makes me wonder if this is a modern problem or if it has been there since the old days! Can we really blame that on the media?

  4. Well, at least you have the courage to admit it! But it’s pathetic because after a while the outer shell is shed and you’re in for the real stuff which could be quite disappointing… I hope you won’t have to go through that, although a little part of me wishes you do :p

  5. Pingback: زي الهم على قلبي: هل نحن مخلوقات "سطحية" ؟

  6. Well ..hmm…I don’t know from where I should begin!!

    First of all ; i will not comment as a classical one sided guy, what i will talk about is shallowness as a concept,

    Its not the idea who is the shallower ; male or the female! to be honest i care no less , what I care about is the concept behind this effect in our personality, the little innocent girl raised in our classical Arabic society will raised fully brain washed with a lot of misleading concepts ; and she will acquire these “Arabian Basic Instincts” and accept them subconsciously, because our society consider the girl is a beautiful until proven otherwise!! so such little girl will hear a lot of pointless talk from her family and relative (her mother particularly) such as :
    “…you have to look good…”
    “… should impress them…”
    “…no one will look at you if you didn’t……”
    and all such talk,add to that as “Sh3rawi” said the media indeed play a significant role promoting the super female model!

    So subconsciously the top priority for that girl will be her appearance , and subsequently her biggest problem will be a mole on her face ! and then you can consider such person a shallow person, but is this her fault?! ya maybe , she should take some responsibility for that!

    If you didn’t fall a sleep already while reading my comment, and before judging me as barbaric middle-eastern guy , I have one last thing to say,

    As I said in the first of my comment this will not be one sided opinion, now for the male side, I think the problem is much bigger for the guys, first of all the classical Arabic guys have no interest about “his future girl” other than “….she should be smokin’ hot…” , I don’t think he cares about her personality !! why he should bother !?! what he cares about a beautiful girl that everybody else will say “…wow!! he is so lucky to have her…” so this leads me to the main point , as if the girls in our society should take a partial responsible for being brain washed, on the contrary the males should take full responsibility for being shallow!! there is no excuse at all for them thinking in a shallow way!

    Considering what you said about you preferring Internet to know the true personality, hmm….I don’t think so , the Internet masks the real personality in such way it make impossible for us to truly judge that person we talk to , anyone can be a manipulative person on the web, anyone can impersonate any character he wants easily, so no, I don’t trust the appearances on the real world not mention on the Internet!

    Excuse my blabbering , and I am sorry if I offended anybody.

    BTW, great blog , following you for sure!

  7. Dr. Mohammed, first, thanks for being honest and taking the time to write such a thorough reply

    I can identify with what you said about girls being led into shallowness. I’ve always had people telling me to wear high heels to look taller or certain types of clothes to wedding and social events, but I did took responsibility fr myself, for example I would say: I don’t want to look taller, I’m shorty and loving it, and I don’t need to wear clothes to show off with at weddings because what really matters is to look good and decent and up to the occasion, not to show off for whatever reason…

    And if the part about men caring only about “smoking hot” girls is real then I have to say I’m disappointed and I hope there are exceptions.

  8. don’t misunderstand me , I didn’t generalised for all males and females, of course there are exceptions for both , what I talked about is the shallow people only , and why there are shallow in my point of view ,

  9. your last point has been rolling in my mind for quite few time, considering i met amazing people via internet, with really interesting personalities, whom look normal, that if in real life i came across with i wouldn’t give them chance as i did, maybe that’s a little bit shallow of me, but a personality does reflects a lot on the outside which is represented by how they dress.

    but it’s not the look that matters in the end, because it’s really hard to find people whom actually use their brains in something other than stereotyping others based on their looks!

    not to mention that your whole idea in this post has been bothering me for a longer time now, every day i get to prove more and more that people specially girls are getting shallower sharply, it’s like i no longer get the chance to have normal conversation that is out of ( guys- relationships- fashions- shoes-haircuts ) i mean come on people, there are millions other thing going on around you that is way much important than these silly things!

    and it’s not much better with the guys either, lots of them nowadays are limited in their thinking, trying to be “open minded” by copying the western culture, but if that indicate anything it’s the emptiness they are living.

    Eventually, I’m not pointing that all girls and guys are shallow, there are many exceptions in life, but I guess people nowadays are all about the appearance rather than the soul.

    hope i didn’t bore you with all my blabbing, but it’s like darabti 3l waja3 ya ola 🙂

  10. I personally like to think of shallowness as a characteristic, regardless of whether it was acquired or just within. But not an instinct.
    Why? Because just like when you say, for example, that a certain person is arrogant, or that a certain person is kind, you can also say that a certain person is shallow.
    So no, not all people have it. It just, after all, depends on their characters, and how much they’re willing to triumph against the gigantic morals extinguisher that is set by a fat list of global/local factors.
    And no, I wouldn’t generalize anything.

  11. ok let me share my experience

    as 4 look, it is important 4 both sides but i think as some ppl said: money comes 1st 4 women that is why no exesue ever for refusing a guy with money and position. And such man most of time get the pretty one (can u see the deal?)

    i think also the girls shape thing had something to do with parents, plz don’t laugh but from my own personal experience also the mother-in-law pushes her son 2 have such a pretty bride b4 anything and keeps searching 4 the super girl here and there

    I have a cousin with green eyes, u can’t imagine the headache she had in her work!! while no body is considering her older brown sis 🙂 and this gives u an idea about it

    last ppl came 2 propose me, the girl came with told me frankly that the guy needs a “white” girl which implies 2 me compeletely!! well i said 2 myself: can’t u at least keep it inside ?!!

  12. Pingback: Appearances & shallowness,,,over-rated? may be may be nOt! « Observations of a tired sOul.

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