How to Lose a Loser in 10 Ways

Disclaimer: If you’re planning on reading this, please look up “sarcasm” in the dictionary before proceeding.

We’ve all been there. Well, not all of us, because you know some of us don’t have this natural ability to draw losers in like the street cat that runs after you in the morning with its eyes on your smoked turkey sandwich. No cat? See? It doesn’t happen to all of us but it happens. Actually some girls might argue they attract a bigger number of losers than the fake accounts of Justin Bieber on Twitter. Well, might be a far-fetched analogy but the numbers could be quite astronomical, not to mention the issue of quality over quantity, because some losers take the word “Loser” to a whole new level.

So, loser magnets of the world, here are some practical steps, or behavioral patterns taken out of context  if you will, that could spare you some serious headaches and potential nerve damage.

First off, as soon as you see the signs we all know too well, it’s either fight or flight, and since running for your life isn’t always an option because they can get a bit sticky that no amount of paint thinner would take them off then C’EST LA GUERRE! Now this where the fun begins:

1-      Fight fire with fire. If he’s sticky and clingy you give him the impression that he’s in for a world of pain. Don’t start your conversations with  يلعن أبو هالشغلة  (damn it), I hate my life, or something of that sort. Be his constant nightmare.  Of course this works for both losers and non-losers.

2-      If that doesn’t work, then you go for the oldest trick in the book: Feminism. Women empowerment is a very important tool in the fight against loserhood. Don’t be afraid to show your so independent to the point that you don’t need  a man. Make him feel useless. Of course this works mostly on losers since they are the ones who are scared by this, but it could work on non-losers too.

3-      Talk about babies and how much you love them all the time. Of course that works for both losers  and non-losers, because babies are scary.

4-      Be yourself. Seriously, a loser wouldn’t want a girl who’s not putting on a show, they prefer someone who’d lie to them so that they’d discover it for themselves later on. It’s called denial. Go figure.

5-      Tell him you want him to meet your mom. That’s the bomb!

6-      Tell him about your cousins who work in the Special Forces and how they are everywhere all the time

7-      Speak in-depth about cars and car mechanics.

Okay, these are  7 ways not 10 but I’m sure you can come up with another 3 ways to lose a loser, and if he’s still there after all that then maybe he’s not a loser after all, maybe you just are too high-maintenance, get a grip!

6 responses

  1. Rofl hahaha
    Ok by co-incidence i was just talking to my friend yesterday about how Justin bieber has over 70 freakin million followers on twitter, like what the hell?

    As for the signs, actually, thumbs up lol

  2. an alternate title for this post would be “Hey Hotshot! if this ever happened to you, then you’re definitely a loser!”
    wait, wait as sec…let me get this straight…so when a woman tells me that she wanna meet my parents, set a future to our relationship, or even when she’s standing out telling me that she’s an interesting motor-head…it all means that she thinks I’m a loser! and she’s actually pushing me off!! 😦 what kinda sick manipulative world we live in !! dude I’m clueless..I quit…

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