To be perfectly honest, I hesitated before writing this, and before publishing it too. I thought it too ridiculous to talk about and too personal. But then I thought, this is something that bothers lots of girls and they do talk about it offline a lot so why not? Besides, it’s my “personal” blog so I can talk about whatever the heck I want.
Few years back I would get the impression from people that they seem to think I’m wasting my life, meaning that I was doing things that don’t involve trying to get married, especially activities that don’t necessarily bring in money. Now I can safely say that we’re past that phase as I’ve established that I am actually doing something with my life, and people seem to respect that but of course there are those occasional hints and questions, and nagging of course, because we can’t survive without a healthy dose of good old nerve-racking nagging.
And even when the nagging abates, there’s still “The Look”, oh you don’t know “The Look”? Let me tell you what “The Look” is. It’s usually that look of compassion you didn’t ask for, and you get it mostly from women of all ages when you’re at a wedding party or something, and it’s usually accompanied by things like “You’re next” and those are the people who think that you’re single and miserable, or things like: “Oh you’re doing the right thing, marriage is overrated” and those are the people who seem to think you have some sort of complex and that you’re against marriage and hate all men.
Well, I wish I could tell all these people to relax because: I’m neither. I’m just a happy person, that’s what I am, and I believe it has nothing to do with your marital status. I’ve decided to be happy, the “How” may differ from one person to another, and for me it is something I only trust God with, not people, not even myself. Yet people seem to think that there is that “formula” for happiness. They even make themselves miserable worrying about that. Some single people seem to think they’ll be happy once they get married and some married people secretly wish they could go back in time. It’s stupid to think that a getting a man or getting rid of a man will solve all your problems, just ridiculous.
But I don’t blame them, this is how girls are collectively raised in this society, they grew up with ideas that have seeped in too deep that became almost sacred so don’t you dare argue with them. Ideas that criss-cross individual differences and throw them out the window, leaving us with a free-size unisex “shirt” that’s supposed to fit everyone. What they basically teach us is that marriage is a purpose in itself, and it’s certainly the only way you can have a decent life, and if you don’t get married you will end up a maidservant in your brother’s house and his wife will abuse and humiliate you on daily basis (Yes, some people still use this argument).
By that reasoning, sometimes you may need to sacrifice your own happiness to get married and you should cling to the first good chance that knocks on your door. You have to settle for whatever flaws the potential husband has if they weren’t deadly enough, you have to tolerate him even if being with him makes you feel out of your own skin. And you kow that old lie: “All men are like this” For example: He lies. – All men lie. – He’s insensitive. – All men are insensitive. So that you can shut up and accept those traits instead of looking for someone who doesn’t have them. And at the same time you have to be perfect. In a nutshell: The man should be happy, and the woman should be “not unhappy”. No thank you! I believe it’s my responsibility to be a happy, productive person in this society, and it’s my responsibility to think every step I take through and make the right informed decision even it seems ridiculous to everyone else.
Anyway, I’m usually a rational person, so I thought this through and came up with a decision, or more like a diagnosis, if you will. I’m not saying I’m taking a stand against marriage and determined to never get married, I just don’t think I will, there’s a big difference. And, please, don’t read this as “Oh I’m miserable I’ll never find true love”. Read it as: “I just don’t think it’s for me” and it’s really not a big deal, I do have some good reasons. Of course I can’t list those reason each time someone asks me: “Tayyeb Laish?” I know them in my mind but I’ve never put them to words. So here we go, a reference I can use for Tayyeb laisher’s, just a few reasons why I don’t think I’ll ever get married, or be in any kind of relationship for that matter:
1- I’m an easy-going person, at times too easy-going, and, as I gather, men tend to take advantage of that, and I refuse to be taken advantage of, and I also refuse to change and become a witch so that someone won’t take advantage of me. I don’t have it in me to fight and make a big fuss if someone hurt me or did me wrong. I think I’ll just be disappointed with my choice, and I’ll resent him, but I wouldn’t waste my energy on him, I’m too passive aggressive for that. Add an insensitive, self-righteous man to the equation and it’s a recipe for misery
2- Speaking about insensitivity, I’m not saying all men are insensitive but I do think a large percentage of them are, or tend to become insensitive with years. Well, I can’t handle that, even in the small details, like if I’m working all day inside and outside the house and then he comes and frowns because the food is a bit salty. I don’t have to deal with that if you ask me.
3- I value my privacy and my individuality, and sadly the prevailing idea in society is that once you get married to someone you should become conjoined twins. Couples now have each other’s e-mail passwords, why the heck do they do that? Here’s how I imagine a conversation would go:
Him: “Why don’t you tell me your e-mail password?”
Me: “Because it’s my e-mail, personal e-mail”. Him: “But what’s wrong with that? I’m your husband”. Me: “there’s everything wrong with that! People send me things expecting that I will see it, not someone else” Him: “Are you sure it’s not because you have something to hide?” Me: “Are you questioning my integrity? 6allegni”
4- This might sound silly but I really hate all those social formalities and pre-requirements for marriage. You know, Jaha then engagement party then a wedding then social visits and 3azayem and I really hate to be formal with people and it makes me feel uncomfortable and everything. It’s not a real reason but it’s just makes the whole idea more intimidating.
5- For some reason People always use the term “Settling down” which looks like a relative term, and it sometimes sound like being tied down, but this is not how I see it, I don’t want to “settle down” in the conventional meaning of the word, you know the one that turns men and women into boring and bored couch potatoes. No thanks, I’ll pass.
So, these are the ideas I managed to express but if you want the truth they won’t be easy to explain in person not to mention that not too many people would understand or agree with them, I expect. So, I have a plan B, that if anyone asks me that notorious question ever again and they say: “Tayyeb Laish?” I’ll just say this: “3ashan ana 7orra”