As I opened the folder labeled: My pictures/2012 and started flipping through the pictures, he was looking over my shoulder, giving me sideways looks as I smiled at certain pictures, and stopped to reflect on others. Then, when he could no longer keep up the silent observer act, he blurted out:
Tubby: That looks like a long time ago, doesn’t it?
Me: Yeah, feels like ages. It’s amazing how many things could be squeezed into one year. How come time seems to go by so fast yet so slow in retrospect?
Tubby: Well, it sure wasn’t a boring year then.
Me: Not at all. Crazy things happened this year. You know, I developed unlikely obsessions, unlikely feelings towards unlikely people or things… so, no, it wasn’t exactly a drag.
Tubby: Yes, but you know, for the most part I wasn’t surprised
Me: What’s that supposed to mean? Are you saying I’m predictable?
Tubby: Oh no, it’s just that, you know, I know you too well. I mean I was caught in the war zone between your ego and your superego. I saw it all, and I must say I was impressed at times, disappointed at others.
Me: Why do you sound so wise all of a sudden? Anyway, I know I’ve let you down on some occasions; I’m not going to defend myself. But I’m hoping that somehow things will work out fine eventually.
Tubby: Well, that’s something 2012 hasn’t changed. I say you should take your optimism down a notch. You can’t do the wrong thing and say let’s see what happens.
Me: Okay, you’re treading on my turf now, back off. And for your information many things have changed and I feel like I’ve really grown up in the past year.
Tubby: I’ll hand it to you.
Me: Of course you will. And to walk the talk I’ve been doing an inventory, a clearance of sorts; throwing out all things and people that need to be out of my life once and for all.
Tubby: Are you sure? Because, I’ve seen this movie before, you know
Me: Positive! Tubby, I’ve never been so in peace with it like I am now. I know I’ve often struggled with such things but this time it’s different, because it happened in a gradual manner, with little effort. You see, I’m finally out of the denial phase and in the sweet heaven of acceptance. I don’t even know how I got there but thank God I did, I see things in a whole different way now.
Tubby: so, what do you intend to do now?
Me: I’m turning the page. No, not only turning the page on them, I’m taking all these people, things, feelings, whatever, and I’ll put them in a room, seal the door shut and then set the whole thing on fire. Scorched earth, just like that, thank you and goodbye.
Tubby: wow. Just like that? But didn’t you just read in that book you’re reading, whatever it is, that “the harder you try to forget something the more you think about it” or something like that?
Me: True, but that’s the trick. I’m not “trying” to forget them, I’m just blocking them out. That’s very different. I don’t even want to think about not thinking about them. Tested and proved.
Tubby [clears throat]: well, good luck with that. But, say, don’t you think the people, the human beings in that group deserve a little more than just being set to flames? I mean, after all they were part of your life and all.
Me: Yeah, I guess you’re right. Maybe I should slide a note under the door before the fireworks start. Do you have a pen and a paper?
Tubby: imaginary pen and paper, I assume. Sure, here you go.
Me: Okay, here we go: “Dear misfits…”
Me: Relax, it’s not an insult. They are misfits because they don’t fit in my life anymore. So, from the top:
Out of all 7 billion+ people in the world, our paths crossed, and for a short period of the age of the universe we got to meet, interact and become a part of each other’s lives. Be that as it may, it’s my sad obligation to inform you that this relationship has run its course and it’s time we parted ways. So, I bid you farewell for now, taking into consideration that we may or may not see or hear from each other again for as long as we shall live, being citizens of a very big yet very small world, so… go figure.”
Tubby: Not bad but, go figure? That’s no way to end a goodbye letter to individuals that left footprints on your life, you can’t just get rid of them so unceremoniously, you owe it to them.
Me: So… what do you suggest?
Tubby: How about, sincerely, with love or whatever?
Me: I can’t say that, I’m not sure how I feel about most of these people. But, how about this: “With whatever feelings or lack thereof I have for you, however undeserving you may be”
Tubby: too politically correct for my taste but it does the trick.
Me: Okay, so, here’s the note. Now, what?
Tubby: It’s your call. But I can swallow the key if you want.
Me: Oh, that’s so sweet of you.
Tubby: My pleasure. What’s more important is that you make me privy to your 2013 plans.
Me: Oh no, no plans.
Tubby: No plans?
Me: No plans. Because if the last couple of years have taught me anything it’s that “the best laid plans of mice and men often go astray”. So I’ve decided to play it by ear and prepare to be surprised at any given moment.
Tubby: Well, that sounds like a plan.
Me: I appreciate the irony, but really we’ll have to wait and see, and most importantly hope that this no plan is actually a good plan.
Tubby: well then let’s end 2012 on a high note and get on with our “burn after meeting” plans
Me: After you, sir! Lead the way…