Life has a twisted sense of humor. You know, like those subtle reminders that bring your attention to the fact that you’re getting old. Take snow for example. As a kid, I used to wait eagerly for snow. I’d keep looking out the window to check the build up, I’d pray and pray for the snow to linger for days and I’d be angry if my dad expressed a wish to have some rain to melt the snow. Meanwhile, when I hear the news of the possibility of upcoming snow I think differently. I either don’t want it to stick around for long or not at all. Because now I’m no longer a kid who jumps out of bed and into the snow. I have other things on mind. I have places to be, I have work to do, I don’t have time for snow anymore.
Another example: kids. There was a time of my life when I loved kids. Really loved them. I thought I wanted to have 3 or 4 when I grew up. Now? Well, I still like kids but the thing is, I can’t tolerate them. They get on my nerves when they start screaming or being just spoiled brats. I even thought that if I discovered that I couldn’t have kids I wouldn’t even bother going out of my way to do anything to fix the problem. Yes, they are a blessing, but they could be a handful. I mean, I love my nieces, I’m obsessed with them, but still when they are at our house and I’m working or trying to do something, which is most of the time, I tell them off and I try to tell anyone else to take care of them or distract them or whatever.
But hold on a minute. When I think about this again, it’s not really about getting old, and this is not twisted life humor. This is actually a wake-up call that you’re becoming too busy to live. Too busy to stop and pay attention to the things that matter the most in life. I still love snow, and last year when it snowed I enjoyed it to the maximum and even went out and played with my nieces, who were witnessing snow for the first time and I had a blast. I can’t remember exactly what I was doing those days but I’m pretty much sure I didn’t have much work to do. And kids, I still enjoy playing tea party with my nieces, it’s the cutest funniest thing you can ever do you know, at least if you have little girls like mine. But still, I always have to excuse myself because I have to be somewhere else or to do something else. So it’s not that I hate kids, it’s just that they don’t fit into my current lifestyle, and I don’t feel obliged to make any changes to make them fit into it, they are their parents’ problem, not mine.
So, life does change us. We get used to living in a certain way and we wonder if it’s worth it to take another path. I was talking to a friend recently and I told her that I feel like I’m in a stage in my life where I need radical change. I went through all the phases: Childhood, teenage, college days, work and practical experience, and then what I call horizon expansion, then I did something I always wanted to do by becoming a published writer, and then… what? I can’t just go back to where I was before this. I need change and if I want something radical. You know, now I’m haunted with the idea of a new book, but something different than the first, and I’ve been thinking of leaving to a new place, a new country, a change of scenery of sorts.
But the thing I’ve learned to do recently, which is the most important thing I guess, is to be open to all possibilities. And that’s what I’m doing now, trying to explore those possibilities.
Yes, life can alarm you that you’re not getting any younger, or that you’re wasting a lot of time worrying about mediocre things. But the fact is, I never felt I’m getting old. I’ve always thought I’d feel different when I’m 25 or 27 but I don’t, because the soul doesn’t age, only the body does