A Conversation with Tubby – 7

He sat there, side-eying me with a sly smile. I tried to ignore him but you can only ignore silent gloating for so long; so I gathered every bit of anger and ferociousness I could find in me and then paused to let them simmer for a moment for the perfect defense mechanism…

Me: Stop with the stupid smile, I get it, you’re pleased, you had it your way, happy now?

Tubby: Why so tense? Relax. I’m just happy for you

Me: Oh, of course you are, you just thrive on seeing me do things against my better judgment

Tubby: Only when it makes you feel better

Me: It did make me feel better. Then it made me feel like crap, and then it made me feel better again, you know why? Because things didn’t go as you planned, thank God.

Tubby: That’s the whole point, you did something differently, you ventured out of your comfort zone, you expressed your anger, blew off some steam…

Me: Hold on there. It’s not expressing anger that made me feel good. That made me feel good for a couple of minutes, maybe hours, but it was really just a quick fix. What made me feel eventually better, I must say, is that the whole thing helped me move on to a new phase after I was stuck in one phase for too long.

Tubby: You’re welcome! What can I say, someone had to give you a push. After all who gets stuck in denial for that long

Me: sigh… I know, this was a nice reality check. The anger phase wasn’t too bad, bargaining was confusing, depression sucked but thank God I didn’t linger there for too long and I resisted the temptation to fight it off with chocolate. Acceptance is pretty cool. But you know what the problem is?

Tubby: I think I might have an idea…

Me: shut up, it’s a rhetorical question. See, I’m aware of the fact that I don’t just want to feel better, I want the things that make me feel bad to change. I don’t want to bask in acceptance so much that I’d get comfortable in it. I accept it but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t like to change it.

Tubby: Well, I can feel the change already

Me: Baby steps. Hopefully pretty soon I will have no need for you and you will vanish

Tubby: You can’t do that. You can’t just kick me out of your life like that

Me: Don’t underestimate my powers

Tubby: I’m not. But you can try. Actually I will go away and you will never hear from me again and let’s see how that works for you

Me: No… I mean, yes totally, but leave me some contact info so I can call you if I need you, maybe?





The Ultimate Business Dictionary

Disclaimer: to all the good people/companies I’ve worked or still working with, you know this is not aimed at you, no need to sever any ties


You know how sometimes different words seem to mean different things for different people? Specifically in the world of business, sometimes it appears as though there is some special dictionary some people refer to when doing business with other people. So, I imagine if there was such a dictionary it would probably have entries like this…


Freelancer [n.] A person who works for free. The word comes from the idiom “free as a bird” as they are free form the constraints of the capitalist world and basically live on love and leftover bread. Hence, a freelancer would never have a loan to pay off, they don’t need to eat, they don’t pay rents, so anything you give them in exchange of their work would be out of generosity.

Deadline [n.] 1) for business owners: A fictional legendary monster that will eat you alive if you don’t deliver on time. 2) For employees: An imaginary concept made-up by business owners to make your life miserable. If the word dead is any indication, there’s no hurry, it’s not going anywhere. The living is more important than the dead.


Entrepreneur [n.] Anyone who can describe themselves as such, regardless of their ability to spell the world itself. In Jordan they are basically like Kia Sepias, you find one between every other 2 cars.


Social Media Marketing [n.] Bombarding people with materials related to your company that even you wouldn’t  give a dead rat’s tail if you weren’t paid to and doing it every day until they wish they never knew you even existed.


Facebook [n.] An evil website that is designed to distract your employees and prevent them from doing their job, because otherwise nothing in the world could distract them from their fun and exciting work behind the computer screen.


And it goes on…


There’s a certain heartache when you’re standing at the shore, with the mountains of Palestine in full view, knowing they are forbidden for you of all people to touch.

There’s a certain confusion, a mix of anger and sickness that takes over you when you try to make a call and suddenly a strange  automated response in Hebrew goes on with what seems like utter gibberish to your ears. You just wish the man on the phone could hear you so you can tell him that you’re still in Jordanian territory, regardless of what your mobile network thinks, the same mobile network that moments ago welcomed you to “Israel” with a message few minutes ago, then welcomed you back to Jordan few minutes later.

There’s a certain urge to set sail, cross that lake void of life to reach that other shore, without permission from anyone, just to make sure it is still there as a tangible reality, a land like any land in a away, yet different from them all in every other way…

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