The Ultimate Business Dictionary

Disclaimer: to all the good people/companies I’ve worked or still working with, you know this is not aimed at you, no need to sever any ties

 

You know how sometimes different words seem to mean different things for different people? Specifically in the world of business, sometimes it appears as though there is some special dictionary some people refer to when doing business with other people. So, I imagine if there was such a dictionary it would probably have entries like this…

 

Freelancer [n.] A person who works for free. The word comes from the idiom “free as a bird” as they are free form the constraints of the capitalist world and basically live on love and leftover bread. Hence, a freelancer would never have a loan to pay off, they don’t need to eat, they don’t pay rents, so anything you give them in exchange of their work would be out of generosity.

Deadline [n.] 1) for business owners: A fictional legendary monster that will eat you alive if you don’t deliver on time. 2) For employees: An imaginary concept made-up by business owners to make your life miserable. If the word dead is any indication, there’s no hurry, it’s not going anywhere. The living is more important than the dead.

 

Entrepreneur [n.] Anyone who can describe themselves as such, regardless of their ability to spell the world itself. In Jordan they are basically like Kia Sepias, you find one between every other 2 cars.

 

Social Media Marketing [n.] Bombarding people with materials related to your company that even you wouldn’t  give a dead rat’s tail if you weren’t paid to and doing it every day until they wish they never knew you even existed.

 

Facebook [n.] An evil website that is designed to distract your employees and prevent them from doing their job, because otherwise nothing in the world could distract them from their fun and exciting work behind the computer screen.

 

And it goes on…

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