On the Way and Back

I’ve been avoiding driving long distances since the snow storm. Yesterday however I was dragged out by good friends to meet and discuss a project somewhere in Jabal Amman.

With reinforcement against what’s supposed to be the beginning of winter (Yes, turns out astronomically what we saw last week wasn’t winter, it was the just trailer) I set out at around 5:30 from my home since we agreed to meet at 6. Usually this would be early as it normally takes 15 minutes to get to Rainbow street from where I live, 20 with some traffic. But what I saw on the roads yesterday wasn’t traffic, it was a country-wide fire drill.

As I was stuck on the uphill climb leading to Abdoun my eyes roamed the roadside looking for the snow that was jamming the roads, but there was nothing. Just cars inching forward like old tortoises.

But to tell you the truth, I don’t know which was worse: the traffic or the radio stations. I mean, from an annoying, nerve-provoking talk to a horrible rendition of “Goodbye My Lover”, and then Abu Wadee3 poped out of nowehere saying “Lissa eddunya bkhair”… Lissa eddunya bkhair, ya 7abibi!

Anyway, I reached my destination, which was thankfully and surprisingly not  crowded at all and I parked quickly. While I was there I ran into John, founder of Project Pen with whom I worked last year before I left the project as a permanent member for lack of time and nerves.

So, we talked about Pen and he looked as excited as ever. I couldn’t help but say: “I admire how you can keep being excited about something for such a long time.”

And then on the way home I thought about that, and I thought about the way my life has been shaping to be. You know, I realized recently that I don’t have a big goal in life, no one big project. One day I’m giving lectures at schools about exra-curricular stuff, the other I’m traveling to some conference somewhere, and then I’m writing a book. It feels funny when people give me advice I should follow if I want to be a big novelist, while I never thought about becoming a big shot novelist. I write because I feel like it. And yes, I do like to write more books, it’s just not a goal in itself anymore. For me, it’s all about the small projects.

And I like it this way, which I’ve come to discover. After all it’s nice to look back on your life someday and see a collage of colors, dozens of faces and to know that you’ve done lots of things, experienced a lot of things, lived a lot of things.

I guess I don’t take life as seriously as most people do, just seriously enough for me.

Is this the right way to go? I don’t know. After all, is there such a thing?

 

 

2 responses

  1. U want the short answer or the extra deep one? Well, I have neither😀
    ——————
    Knowing one`s self is hard, even when u reach a satisfactory level (if ever!) u start thinking it is not that comforting – maybe because of the need for something more/different, I don`t know.
    ——————–
    I admit I always thought yr main stream (thing) was to be a renowned writer (not novelist :D), not for the sake of fame (is that so bad btw?) itself but as a consequence of doing what u love and loving what u do. I thought it was yr GOAL and the other things r a character of “on the side” material, not because they are/were not significant but merely steps and/or sweet distractions along the way🙂. U often imply/state lines that read: (& that`s how/why u KNOW u r a writer) but nonetheless I guess it is not fair to (predict) yr aspirations and goals. I mean reaching such a conclusion from reading what u write is just one aspect of who Ola is, no matter how profound and dear that aspect seems to us, readers, and definitively the passion + talent throughout yr lines (I`m not just saying so) guide someone toward such conclusion.

    Having some small projects and jumping from one to another is good, fun even and it is a life-style (big words there!) and the fact u r kind of questioning that style does not necessarily lead to: (ooooh, maybe this means this is not the thing for me …); it is just a part of the rediscovery cycle of humans🙂 and surely -to me- u know that and that`s why -partially- u wrote about it here, triggered by some thoughts and events, yes. But it was within u, nagging on u and u need to get it out and perhaps get some new thoughts/ideas that help u reach a solution. (not from comments basically; rather through letting the feelings/thoughts go and pondering on them again).
    ————–

    I wish I can be simple in writing my thoughts, what I wrote maybe can be summarized in 2 lines but I need -often- to dramatize things😀

    I believe what I wanted to say lies in short within the following:

    It is okay to follow the lead u r pursuing (small steps/projects) & not having the one or two BIG bang dreams. Also, if u r experiencing these thoughts and questioning yr look-out to life it might be u r striving for such a counter (counter!) style/path but a bit hesitant to go through it because u r afraid to lose the taste of the small projects and be a concentrated person (fear of regret?)

    It is a cliché but only u can make the call and tell the difference, that`s what I believe how it is, not that we are the best ppl to judge ourselves, we r the sole ones to!

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