A Conversation with Facebook

Facebook:  Good morning, Ola! It’s 22 ℃ in Amman Today. Enjoy the sunshine!

Me: Thank you, Facebook. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to close you in order to finish work and be able to enjoy some of that sunshine.

Facebook: No, no, wait. Say, Um… What’s on your mind?

Me: Really, Facebook, I find this question an over-simplification. There is a lot on my mind. If you are asking sincerely you might as well grab a chair, get some coffee and then we can sit down and chat and I’ll tell you what’s on my mind. But neither of us has the time so…

Facebook: No, no, I have time. I have nothing but time. I’m a machine that feeds on time and turns it into lost lives and dark circles around the eyes. Go ahead, don’t just type and delete. Dare to hit Enter.

Me: You know, on a second thought, you don’t want to know what’s on my mind.

Facebook: Oh I do want to know

Me: No, I mean you won’t like what’s on my mind

Facebook: Fine, okay. How about a picture? Here, let me check your phone… Album, camera, that’s it: Say something about this photo.

Me: What the… Are you trying to give me a heart attack? You can’t just spring a photo on me and tell me to share it. This wasn’t meant for the eyes of the public!

Facebook: What’s the big deal? I told you “only you can see this”.

Me: Yes, but by the time I realized it was a suggestion and I hadn’t actually shared the picture by mistake a blood clot could’ve traveled all the way up my aorta.

Facebook: Okay, forget about pictures. Here are some people you may know.

Me: Ummm, I really don’t know these people.

Facebook: But you have like a zillion mutual friends.

Me: Yes, but I really have never heard of them.

Facebook: You went to the same school, have the same last name…

Me: Okay, some of them I do know but I would like to continue to pretend like I don’t, okay?

Facebook: Ugh, okay. Hey, today is Fulan Al-Fulani’s birthday, write something on their wall!

Me: Well, Fulan Al-Fulani and I have been perfectly happy ignoring each other on Facebook for the past 5 years, so no, thank you.

Facebook: Come on, socialize, it’s just a birthday wish.

Me: No, really, we have a good thing going and I don’t want to ruin it.

Facebook: Sigh… Okay, I guess there’s nothing more to do here…

Me: Wait, what’s that? People I don’t know posting pictures about an event I couldn’t care less about? Sounds like a good way to spend the next hour…

 

 

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One response

  1. Well, at least TWITTER turns them blue!
    “turns it into lost lives and dark circles around the eyes”

    (resting my case)

    ———–
    I saw this yday and the # 1 thought that popped was:

    وينك يا توبي

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