100 Days of Solitude – Day 21

Once again like a thief in the night solitude invades her privacy. It attacked her like an angry wave on a deserted shore, and she was swept with the currents…

She thought it was over, she tried to pluck herself out of it over and over, but it was obvious to her by now that solitude is an integral part of her being. Yet, this time it was different. The desire to be alone has always been there, yet now it was something more than that, she just didn’t want to deal with people, didn’t want to see anyone or talk to anyone. People were becoming aliens to her as the only thought on her mind when she was with them became: I want to go home, and think.

Think of what?

The same thought thakept her awake until dawn several nights until she almost forgot how people sleep.

The knot in her stomach. The silence. The numbness.

She prayed with hopes for the best, but she ws ready for anything.

 

100 Years of Solitude – Day 20

Amid the darkness of the room, A ray of sunlight came through a hole in the wall and gave her a warm sensation

She knew that hole shouldn’t be there, she knew it was wrong. She shielded it with her hand for a moment, then she missed the sunlight again

She knew it shouldn’t be there because if it rains, the water will come through, and she will regret not closing it when she could

She knew it was there, but the darkness was feeding an eminent depression, shattered for a moment by that sunray

She basked in what little comfort that light has brought, waiting to muster enough strength to mend the hole in the wall, or for the wall to come down altogether

100 Days of Solitude – Day 19

It was that time of the day when you feel the world outside your mind ceases to exist, and the thoughts come cascading in like a downpour of summer rain. She longed for that, and as she closed her eyes, it was pitch black.

“Solitude is a self-induced state”, she told herself. But just when she thought she was out of the woods, her mind was craving solitude again, but she could no longer go there. It wasn’t her zone anymore, but she was longing for it.

Longing for solitude, she knew she had hit rock bottom

100 Days of Solitude – Day 18

Solitude is often a temporary state of mind, a transitory phase between denial and acceptance.

 

That’s how she’s always thought of it.

 

But then something scary happened. Everything seemed fake and pointless and she was driven by a hunch she no longer trusted.

 

And then came face to face with what something  she never dreaded, because it never crossed her mind

 

Solitude was now a lifestyle

100 Days of Solitude – Day 15

It’s that moment of clarity

Utter, pure, undisturbed clarity

It comes right after you open your eyes after a long night’s sleep and the whole world seem like a big blank page of nothingness

It’s that brief moment where you don’t remember anything that bothers you. No, “remembering” isn’t even an option, because those things don’t even seem to have ever existed in that parallel transitory universe

It’s that moment of peace that the heart seizes before the mind gets in gear, and it all comes rushing back in…

“Good morning, and welcome to reality”

100 Days of Solitude – Day 13

 

No one can see me cry

 

Because my tears are mine

 

And my sorrow is mine

 

And my longing is mine

 

No one can know I’m stuck

 

Because my dignity is more precious than my happiness

 

I don’t need anyone…

 

Well, maybe…

 

I just need some help

 

Because I can see the way

 

But I don’t know how to get out…