آخر مرة شفت ليث قبل كم شهر حكالي إنه والده في مراحل السرطان الأخيرة، وإنه قرر يوقف العلاج ويعيش اللي باقي من أيامه بدون قرف المستشفيات والأنابيب الموصوله بكل جزء في جسمه.كنت بعرف إنه والده بكتب شعر من زمان وإنهم كانوا مفكرين ينشروله ديوان وإنه كان متحمس للموضوع، بس لما سألته شو صار حكالي إنه غير رأيه وما قدر ليث يحصل على الأشعار المخبية عنده عشان ينشرله إياها، كإنه المرض خلاه يفقد رغبته في أي شيء في الحياة. حكالي إنه قرأ أشياء كنت كاتبتها وحبها، وحكيتله إني حابة أزوره وطبعاً متل أشياء كتير في الحياة أجلت الموضوع حتى فات الأوان.
عمو أبو ليث، نجاح الأدهم، توفى الأسبوع الماضي، لكن ما فات الأوان إنه نعطيه التكريم اللي بستحقه، ونشارك جزء من الإرث اللي تركه، في قلوب الناس وعلى الورق، ومنه هذه القصيدة
وأفكــــــاري مقيــــــــدة بهـا الارهـــــاب يستـــاثـر
يـــراعــــي جـف منبعـه وجـف مـداده الـــــزاخــــر
فـــلا وطني غـــدا سكنـا ولا فـــردوســه نــــاضــــر
وماعـــادت جـــداولـــــه وصــوت خريـرها الساحـر
تثيــر بشاعــر مثــلـــــي شعـــورا ينطـــق الشاعـــر
وكنت أذوب فــي صغري بحسن جمـــــالـــه الآســـر
أغنـــي فـــي مـــرابعـــه كــــــــأني بلبــــــل طــائـــر
وتطـــــربني اغانيــــــــه ورقـص السحـــج والسـامـر
بــه قــد داعبــت قلبــــي انـــــامــــل حبــــي البـــاكـر
وكـــم نــاجيــت انجمـــه وبحـــــت لبـــــدره السـاهـر
كفـــرت بمـــوطنـي لا لا وحــــاشا لسـت بـالكــــــافر
كفرت بأمــــــــة رضخت لعنـــــف القهـــــر والــــذل
كفرت بأمــــــــة تجتـــــر مــــــاضيهـــا علـــى طلــل
كفــــــرت بأمـــة خضعت لمنحـــــــــــل ومحتـــــــــل
كفرت بـــــــــأمة خدرت بــــأفيــــون مــــن الخبـــل
كفــرت بهــــا يشتتـهــــا ظــــــــلام الفقــــر والجهـل
كفــرت بهـــا يمزقهــــــا فساد الــــرأي والخطــــــــل
كفــــرت لبسمة الاطفـــال عــــــــادت أدمعــا همــــــل
كفـــرت لنسوة مـرغــــن بعــــد الغــــار فــــي الوحل
كفـــــرت لجبهتي ما عدت أرفعهــــا مـــن الخجـــــل
A while ago I wrote this imaginary conversation between a girl and someone in her head. After reading it, Laith who’s a dear friend of mine decided that he wanted to write another conversation from the other person’s point of view. I was thrilled of course because I know how creative and thoughtful Laith’s style of writing is. I must say his conversation came off stronger and bolder than mine. A lot of rage, confusion in there which made it feel like a real tug of war. Here’s the conversation as Laith wrote it:
She walks into the same room again but to her surprise something was different. The room looked the same but the colors were different somehow, they were somehow darker, less full of life. The tale looked dusty and the chairs were moved. Something made her breathe heavily, she knew right away something is going to happen…
Him: well look what the wind blew in! Tell me, are you EVER gonna let me go?!
Her: Excuse me?
Him: oh you’re excused alright. NOW LET ME GO!!
Her: what the hell is your problem?!
Him: YOU! You are my problem, let me out of here right now!!
Her: I WANT YOU OUT YOU JUST WON’T GO.
Him: Oh trust me I want out.
Her: Then by all means LEAVE!
Him: That’s the point I can’t I just can’t.
Her: what do you mean you can’t? You just said you wanted to then go.
Him: you won’t let me. You’re holding me here against my will.
Her: really now? And how is that? As far as I recall I willed you out and you wouldn’t leave
Him: I can’t because you lied. You lied to me you lied to yourself and you‘re still lying.
Her: what do you mean LYING??!
Him: I mean you want me here more than everything, you love having me here and you love me.
Her: See that’s why I HATE you! You’re confidence just drives me crazy!
Him: NO I HATE YOU! I hate you and I hate loving you.
Him: you heard me, I hate loving you
She takes 2 steps back and puts her back against the wall. She could barely breathe as he got up and walked towards her. And he looks her straight in the eye with his arm stretched next to her head and his hand in a fist against the wall behind her.
Him: you see I hate your intelligence. I hate your education. I hate your strong personality and that cheerfulness that lifts me up. I hate your smile that makes my heart beat like nothing else. I hate how you see art, how you choose your music, how you write those plays and I confuse them with poems. I hate the warmness you show children but you know what I hate most?
Him: I absolutely HATE how you make me feel like a child again. How I’m never afraid to be clumsy or wrong around you cause you’d never judge me. I hate how you listen to what I say regardless to how in-coherent or weird it may sound. I hate that you made me fall so hard for you.
She steps forward pushing him away and grabs the horse shaped figure hanging from his necklace and pulls it off.
She: you don’t deserve this you really don’t!
Him: Typical you, thinking you know everything. Well take the necklace I don’t want it after all you got it for me. It’s rightfully yours and I don’t want you or anything from you.
Her: you really don’t see it do you?
Him: see what?
Her: that you’re not in my mind, but I am in yours.
Him: Great. Now she’s gone crazy!!
Her: No I haven’t, you almost had me fooled.
Him: care to explain? Cause obviously I am too STUPID to figure stuff on my own.
Her: look around you, this isn‘t my room.
Her: you see it looks the same, the colors are a bit different and the chairs are not in the right place. At first I though something was wrong with my eyes. But you know what gave it away?
Her: the necklace.
Him: what do you mean the necklace? You gave me that necklace
Her: No I didn’t. I bought it for you 2 days before we stopped talking but I never gave it to you.
Him: how could I possibly know that and have the necklace if you bought it and never gave it to me?
Her: cause we were together that day at the funfair and you saw me buying it in secret without you noticing, or at least thinking you wouldn’t notice.
Him: what are you trying to say? What the hell is going on?!
Her: You tell me. Why am I here?
Him: I.. I.. I don’t KNOW!!
Her: Yes you do. I’m here because you want me to. I’m here because you want me to be like you. Thinking about you. Missing you. Loving you.
Him: stop it just stop.
Her: can’t you see it? You’re head over heals for me.
Him: I said STOP IT!
Her: fine. But I’m not leaving here until you admit it and walts up to my door and say it to my face.
Him: I don’t want that. Leave me alone go away.
Her: really? Then why is the necklace still around your neck even though I just snatched it off?
He looks down to his chest and the necklace is swinging. He looks down to the floor and breathes as deep as he could to calm down and he sits himself on a chair, feet up and knees bent up wrapping his arms around them.
Him: why can’t we just do this why?
Her: because you’re too scared to get attached more than you already are.
Him: Then tell me what should I do? Please tell me, you always had a way of explaining things to me. Can’t you explain it now?
She walks up to him and sits on the table in front of him. Slides her hand down his face and lifts his chin up with the tip of her fingers.
Her: I can’t do that now dearest, not this time.
Him: why? Why can’t you?
Her: because you have to figure this out on your own. After all this is your mind not mine.
Him: so I’m supposed to sit here and do nothing waiting for me to think of a solution?
Her: what if you’re not waiting to think? What if you’re already thinking?
Him: ok now that’s just confusing. Can’t you be a bit more clear since you’re in my mind and all? I mean come on you’re in my head so I get to imagine you the way I want it!!
Her: see? You made me smile. You want me to be me and you love it that way.
Him: so? What now?
Her: I my dear am late. I have to sit right there and start writing as always while you watch me and smile. And you have to figure things out on your own.
Him: so you’re not leaving?
Her: No. Not this time.
Him: Then start writing and I’ll just sit right here and go through this whole thing all over again.
Her: You do that. And I’ll be writing about you.
Him: Make sure I read what you write.
Her: I always do.
This article was written by my father some 25 years ago, during the young years of his career with the Royal Jordanian that lasted 27 years.