Social Media Conversations

Him: I’m home… and I’m so exhausted I can’t even think straight

Her: Well, that’s strange. It seemed you didn’t have much work to do at the office today

Him: What do you know? I had a very busy day

Her: well, yeah, busy chatting with MY friends on Facebook !

Him: Wh… what friends! What are you talking about?

Her: Oh you know what I’m talking about! I mean, look, if you want to comment on my friend’s picture it’s okay, I’m fine with that, but would you at least use the “Like” button responsibly? I mean, PLEASE who likes a picture of a 35 year-old woman hugging a teddy bear?

Him: What can I do? She likes every single post on my wall and comments on every photo… I had to like something and honestly liking any other photo on her profile would make me look like a pervert

Her: What are you talking about?

Him: Oh, crap

Her: Oh I get it! That loser has me on limited profile. That’s it! I’m removing her and you are too

Him: But… what if she asked why? I mean, I don’t care but she’s your friend

Her: Who cares?  And for the record, she is not my friend, I just met her at a birthday party for like 5 minutes and the next thing I know she adds my husband as friend and he’s flirting with her while I’m standing there like an idiot!

Him: It was just one comment

Her: Really? When was the last time you wrote me a comment? Even on my birthday you didn’t even send me a gift! It cost 1 dollar you cheapskate!

Him: Well that’s because I threw you a surprise party and bought you a real actual tangible very expensive gift

Her: Don’t change the subject! You don’t even like my status messages anymore

Him: Maybe that’s because 99% of them are whining and complaining

Her: And can’t you at least try to comfort me or show some public support? You used to do that back when we were engaged! You used to like all my photos and poke me all the time. You don’t poke me anymore! Each time I see a poke I get excited and then it’s some pervert who’s trying to hook up. And it hurts, it hurts so bad! The other day at work my boss caught me crying in front of the computer and I had to tell him I remembered my dead mother. Can I tell him I’m crying because my husband is too busy digging through my friends’ profiles to even poke me? Of course not!

Him [head hanging down, voice cracking]: I’m sorry

Her: What happened to us?

[A moment of silence]

Him: So… what do we do now?  You think we should consider counseling?

Her: Or we can  take a picture together and post it as profile picture. And you can’t change it until I tell you. Some PDA wouldn’t hurt either, just make sure it’s visible to all our friends and networks…

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Single Not-Very-White Female

If you’re a single woman over the age of 25 in the Middle East, more specifically in Jordan, you’ll probably know what I’m talking about here; for there’s a bunch of common things that bring us all together, among of them the following:

1- There’s always people wondering, or sometimes questioning, either with pity or curiously: Why aren’t you married until now? Like you’re missing an arm or a leg. And then there are two teams: Team “you’re not getting any younger” and Team “You’re still young”. Although you’re not even showing the slightest sign of being worried about the issue.

2- There’s always someone, mostly a female relative or friend, in most cases it’s either the mother or a sister who’s trying to convince you of potential suitors. “This one is a doctor… that one studied in Harvard… this one is so cool, he plays the guitar”

3-  If you’re an independent working lady, sometimes people might forget or choose to ignore the fact that you’re a female.

4-  At some point of your life, you might get THE phone call, if you haven’t already gotten it, and that is: a pregnant friend of yours telling you that if she died while giving birth then she wants you to marry her husband. Well, sure, because the reason I’m not married is waiting for you to die so I can resume your life, since apparently I don’t have one.

5-  You  start getting weird vibes from your mother when you mention that you’re going to attend a friend’s wedding, and soon enough you start worrying how to avoid telling her about those weddings.

6-  When you’re on a diet or something, people could think that you’re going to get engaged soon.

7-  When you speak about a male colleague or friend, some people’s eyes glitter as though they think there’s something going on, and the best part is when you mention “his wife” or something about him being from a different faith. Bummer.

8-  You might be expected by some people to attend certain weddings or similar events just to prove that you’re not being jealous. That if you could care less of course.

Shu Kaman?